Transition

My little school, with its status as consistently low performing, is going through some difficult changes.  The majority of the teaching staff,  with the exception of eleven teachers,  has been transferred to other buildings in our district.  Some are headed for middle school positions and some are transitioning to high school.  For the summer our school is going into her cocoon and hoping to be reborn in the fall as a beautiful butterfly.  I will acknowledge that sometimes purging is necessary so there is room for growth, but it is not an easy process for anyone.  As we have learned, person by person, who is going and who is staying, gossip and speculation have become part of the daily schedule.  However, overall,  the unspoken reality is worry and fear of the unknown.  Earlier in the year, when I expressed some of the frustration described in this blog, I thought I would be the one moving on.  I wanted a change and even a new challenge, and frankly, a break from many frustrations of trying to do the work a several people while raising my kids.  Ultimately, I decided my students deserved my loyalty and commitment to see them through their last year at this school.  Selfishly,  I came to the obvious realization, that my closest friends are here and the risk of starting over without, them seemed to daunting.  Ironically, they will be leaving me instead.  As we come to the last three days of school for the year, my heart is honestly a little heavy.  I see real potential for great changes at our middle school, but I will miss my friends so much.  I am not a person who constructs deep friendships easily.  It is hard to find people I feel safe to both laugh and cry with.  All the people with which I have developed some of that safety will be moving on.  I am trying to keep my heart and mind wide open, because the most jarring reality is....this is not about me.   This is about the students.  Most of me knows that this change could be immeasurably good for them and the students of the future.  I am going to try to have the faith I talk so much about. Sometimes that is the only choice you have. 

On the home front, my kids are trying to transition into summer. I am trying to find a way to work and make extra money to keep us afloat, while not eating up all of their summer days.  I will be writing curriculum in two different groups and teaching a summer enrichment class in reader's theater.  More than anything, my marriage needs my attention...now.