Each summer seems to offer me a new experience. Lets see...when I came to this district in 2006, I spent the summer, before I ever started teaching here, writing benchmarks. I had no idea what a benchmark test was really for or how they would be used in the district. During my first year, I taught 91 benchmarks (standards) with the options of 4 tests for each standard. So if the student didn't pass the FOUR QUESTION benchmark test, they were to be retaught and retested up to three additional times. Imagine what class time could turn into under that system.....not good. We've moved on after 3 or 4 years of that.
In subsequent summers, I taught two years of summer school, I taught one summer of enrichment with 7th graders from Northwest Middle (detailed in this blog somewhere), and I spent a summer of rewriting standards and collecting resources as we transitioned to Common Core. Last summer, I spent the summer with the Greater Kansas Writer's Project. This summer, I fell into the opportunity to work with PrepKC and the Teaching Academy. I never imagined the experience would be so enjoyable. I love teaching students about teaching. For four weeks we've taught students about the theories of development and classroom management, the importance of our words, he issues of equity, and the challenges of the first year. They have observed and taught in classes from preschool to middle school. I have been impressed with many of them. I think they have developed a strong sense of how much work it takes to be an excellent teacher. Some will choose not to teach after this, but they will do so with awareness that good teachers offer an important contribution to society, even if teaching isn't for them.
I finished my reading specialist this past semester. More and more I find I really want to contribute to helping others reach adolescent struggling readers. This experience only re-enforced that desire. I will work more with students and teachers in the coming year. It is my sincere desire, my prayer even, that my work will improve the lives of students who've been lost in the system for too long. We've let too many kids down in this system. I want to do my part to change that for the students in my little corner of the system. I also hope to see some of these young people from the Teaching Academy come back and impact their communities with integrity and hard work.
We are down to our last 7 weeks of school. We have started a poetry unit using the novel Bronx Masquerade and studying the Harlem Renaissance. Most of the kids were really siked about doing poetry. Everywhere I walk, one of my students is pushing a poem at me to read. It is pretty exciting to see them so invested. We have been reading and presenting the poetry of published poets. I started the unit with a pile of about 40 poems at various levels, by various poets, with diverse topics. I did my best to match the poem to the student. Most of the students loved their poems and couldn't wait to read them aloud. I have one student who is very verbal and "bossy," but from her actions I can see some of her insecurities. I gave her Phenomenal Woman and told her I think of her when I read it. She read the poem. As I walked by, she stopped me and said, "you think of me when you read this?" I said, "Yes, I see a srong woman in you." She got a little lift from that. It was a good day of sharing and talking about the purposes of poetry. We read everything from "Where the Sidewalk" ends to "O' Captain, My Captain." This week we will be digging into the cause and the impact of the Harlem Renaissance to scaffold the references in Bronx Masquerade. We are also going to read a lot of Nikki Giovanni's poetry. We will begin to write and revise several types of poetry. We will share our poetry along side some excellent high schools slam poets from one of the district high schools. Finally, we plan to put all their poetry in an anthology for them to take home for the summer. The pieces of this plan took me hours, days and weeks to collect, so I hope the end result is a group of kids that grow in their writing and reading of challening poetry. Next year we are taking it around the world. My plan is to explore poets of the world and deepen their understanding of form and meaning. Poetry is an excellent way for them to begin to experience the pains and triumphs of other cultures.
I guess when it is all said and done, and these kiddos leave me to head to high school, I hope they are changed people in a global society. I want them to leave middle school with a bigger picture of the world so that their mind is wide open for what high school and college have to offer. It would be nice if I could truly "see" the effects of all they are exposed to through this reading class. I am just going to have to trust God that something I am doing is helping improving the choices they will make in the world.
So I have been working through my frustration with the education system, and most specifically my own school's deficiencies. Mostly, I've been whining and fretting a lot about how much more energy I have for the constant barriers that have been constructed to success....both mine and my students. I even pursued other options outside my own building. Got a tentative offer from a high school in the district. I've been weakly praying about all this. Then, as God would have it, two things happened simultaneously that seem to be His way of both encouraging me and maybe telling me to buck up and stop whining. First, my students were the first to take the state assessment and they rocked it. During that time, I received a handful of letters from my students. They were asked to write a letter to their "favorite" teacher as an assignment in their computer class. I get these two times a year, and they are always such a gift.
Although I don't know how some days, the kids and I are in sink. The thought of leaving them after two successful years makes my heart ache. God isn't setting me free. Moreover, my own kids don't need me to take on any more new adventures. The last three years have already been crazy enough. I can't give up just when I am finally getting to come around the horn again and teach a grade level for a second time. My husband has been waiting for this. I keep telling him that if I make it through all three grade levels, I won't need to buy and create so many new resources. Now, just when we get to that point, I am trying to bail. I need to stop acting like I am the only one with something at stake here.
All that said to say that I am staying on at the lowest performing middle school in my state, and I am going to do so with a positive attitude.....though I am still growing that attitude. It is a privilege to get the opportunity to work with my awesome students and passionately work with them to help them get what they deserve. I get so frustrated that public education isn't the great equalizer it was intended to be, so the least I can do is be part of the solution. I don't want to be another teacher who bails when it gets to hard.
Words from my kids/students:
"The things you help us with lets us know that a lot of people care about us and not just our parents. They make me think more and learn to appreciate the things we have. I just wanted to say thanks for being the best teacher."
"Some teachers don't get my sarcasm and you did so that was awesome. I'm glad I have you as a reading teacher. Thanks for teaching me all those things and being a great reading teacher."
"Thanks for opening up a whole new world to me."
"I wanted to thank you for understanding me."
That is all I can post at the risk of puffing up my own ego. These kids make me who I am. Without their buy-in, my gifts as a teacher mean nothing. There are days when I still wonder what my value is as a white, female teacher in a school color. Somehow they find value in me. I am in awe everyday that they open their hearts and minds to me. God is reminding me that they are all that matters and that I am missing the point if I let the grown ups in my world steal my joy.
Today is probably not the right day to start adding to my “Living the Dream” blog. Even when you seem to be living the sweet life, a few nightmares slip into your dreamscape. I work at an urban middle school that, along with all the high schools in the district, is being named as part of the bottom 5% of my state’s schools. Not surprising really. Our kids could fairly easily be labeled the most disadvantaged students in the state while living in arguably the highest crime area. Our school hasn’t made AYP (not counting a brief kiss with “safe harbor”) ever. Parents get that letter every year stating that their neighborhood middle school has not met the required educational objectives for “adequate yearly progress,” so they have options. For my school, this option means that buses for two other middle schools collect many of the neighborhood kids right in the driveway of the neighborhood school, my school, their school. Parents who deeply consider the needs of their children, rarely send their kids to my school. Sad, but true. Put yourself in the parents’ positions. If you have options that include sending your child to a “productive” school in a neighborhood that is safer, what would you do?
Wow, how did I get on this journey? How did I get the best and hardest job?
In March 2007, I interviewed with the HR director of an urban district in my state. . That interview was at the heels of an offer from another district that was seeing their reading scores decline in the high schools. This school offered to create job for me to remediate kids at a school that was probably at 80% proficiency and affluent. I could raise my kids, even bring my kids that district, and go home and get some sleep at night. In contrast, when this HR interview concluded, I was immediately offered an opportunity to interview with a principal at the district’s most struggling middle school. I did not make the call to schedule the interview immediately. I spent days and weeks wrestling over what I knew would be the outcome of my next step. My struggle felt the way I imagine Jacob felt as he wrestled with God. I indeed felt I was wrestling with God. Long bike rides and walks mentally arguing, heart racing, trying to convince God that I couldn’t raise my own babies and teach in the urban core. I knew I could become obsessed and my own kids would suffer. No argument or pros and cons lists made me feel better. I called the principal, made the appointment, and took the job immediately. The “home of the tigers” immediately felt like home to me. There was an instant feeling of “ahh.”
The first year, the administration was a nightmare, I guess. That’s what I heard, but I was having the best year of my career, so I barely noticed. I was teaching the roughest group of 8th graders I’d ever been exposed to, and I LOVED them. I got them. In a million ways I had been them with all the dysfunction, abuse and deep feelings of inadequacy. Except for the obvious cultural difference, which they were easily willing to overlook, there was a perfect fit. The second year, I had to do the unthinkable for a secondary-certified teacher who prefers actual teenagers…..I taught 6th grade: seventy-five urban 11-year-olds in constant motion. There were days that I didn’t think I could grow the way God was stretching me without breaking in two. At the same time, my super-conscientious 4th grader was having deep growing pains (and a challenging teacher) of her own, so she was crying every night after school. My 2nd grader was drowning in his own struggles and was eventually diagnosed with ADHD. Finally, I helped my 19-year-old move to her own home (sad, but proud transition). In spite of all of that, I found time to fall in love with my mighty little 6th graders. I couldn’t get enough of those crazy pre-teens. More than that, I began to see the brilliance in God’s plan for me. Three years with one group of kids (or most of them….this district is full of constantly transferring kiddos) could be a privilege. God began to clear my vision for the possible impact I could have on them…and they on me…if we were together for three years.
Now I am in year 3 at this school and finishing the 2nd year with the same kids. So far, the time I have had with my 7th graders has been pretty terrific. If I could shut the door and ignore the rest of the world, all might be okay. However, I can’t be a teacher -leader with my door closed, and I don’t know how to NOT be a teacher -leader. So, as I said at the start, today is probably not the day to start adding to my new blog. I wanted this blog to be about the joys and trials (but mostly joys) of managing an urban middle school teaching career while trying to be a great mom. Nearly every day, I nearly pull it off, but not without cost. For the past three years, the biggest debt is being racked up against my marriage. My husband is a stand-up guy, but he is still a husband who expects to have a wife. Now the cost is more within me. As we begin to wrap up this year, I begin to wonder if I have another one in me. My “all” only divides into so many pieces, and I am in a building that makes my all seem like not enough. I think this is a familiar story. I work in a building where the focused and passionate spin themselves into exhaustion and the apathetic and dishonorable find safe haven. I spend most days wondering if my efforts (plus the efforts of others like me) can outweigh that mass damage done by others. I watch members of our staff enable and facilitate mediocrity that is a significant contribution of damage to the community we serve, while admin members at all levels continue to enable and facilitate the same cancers among the staff. Some of me worries I will eventually raise my hands in surrender and just become part of the problem. I also wonder how much more I can watch or fight against while I am raising my own children. So I stand at a threshold. Do I continue the fight no matter the cost or do I seek new partners with whom to serve another equally deserving group of students? I need God to either help me renew the image of His vision for me in this community or help me see His new vision.
I do not retract the words of my first post. I do thank God for my opportunities and my students, I just don't think to thank Him for the current state of the American education system or the adults in the world that make the lives of children more complicated.
