Okay... I get it!

So I have been working through my frustration with the education system, and most specifically my own school's deficiencies. Mostly, I've been whining and fretting a lot about how much more energy I have for the constant barriers that have been constructed to success....both mine and my students. I even pursued other options outside my own building. Got a tentative offer from a high school in the district. I've been weakly praying about all this. Then, as God would have it, two things happened simultaneously that seem to be His way of both encouraging me and maybe telling me to buck up and stop whining. First, my students were the first to take the state assessment and they rocked it. During that time, I received a handful of letters from my students. They were asked to write a letter to their "favorite" teacher as an assignment in their computer class. I get these two times a year, and they are always such a gift.

Although I don't know how some days, the kids and I are in sink. The thought of leaving them after two successful years makes my heart ache. God isn't setting me free. Moreover, my own kids don't need me to take on any more new adventures. The last three years have already been crazy enough. I can't give up just when I am finally getting to come around the horn again and teach a grade level for a second time. My husband has been waiting for this. I keep telling him that if I make it through all three grade levels, I won't need to buy and create so many new resources. Now, just when we get to that point, I am trying to bail. I need to stop acting like I am the only one with something at stake here.

All that said to say that I am staying on at the lowest performing middle school in my state, and I am going to do so with a positive attitude.....though I am still growing that attitude. It is a privilege to get the opportunity to work with my awesome students and passionately work with them to help them get what they deserve. I get so frustrated that public education isn't the great equalizer it was intended to be, so the least I can do is be part of the solution. I don't want to be another teacher who bails when it gets to hard.

Words from my kids/students:

"The things you help us with lets us know that a lot of people care about us and not just our parents. They make me think more and learn to appreciate the things we have. I just wanted to say thanks for being the best teacher."

"Some teachers don't get my sarcasm and you did so that was awesome. I'm glad I have you as a reading teacher. Thanks for teaching me all those things and being a great reading teacher."

"Thanks for opening up a whole new world to me."

"I wanted to thank you for understanding me."

That is all I can post at the risk of puffing up my own ego. These kids make me who I am. Without their buy-in, my gifts as a teacher mean nothing. There are days when I still wonder what my value is as a white, female teacher in a school color. Somehow they find value in me. I am in awe everyday that they open their hearts and minds to me. God is reminding me that they are all that matters and that I am missing the point if I let the grown ups in my world steal my joy.