Summer Mode

Okay, we are in summer mode.  I start an endless barrage of meetings next week to help the district transition into the era of a new superintendent.  Her goal is to improve instruction and merge the ACT concepts with the state indicators (aka: our benchmarks).  After that I get to participate in a workshop where we create ideas for teaching 21st century skills in the classroom with the ACT requirements.  This coincides with the start of a Summer Enrichment Workshop with my own kids in my own classroom.  This simply means no endless days of summer school remediating students with which I have no relationship and no background knowledge of their actual skill (other than their grades from 2009-2010).  I hate to admit it, given my true love of teaching, but summer school is excruciating.  I made a promise to myself, and sort of to my kids, that I wouldn't teach summer school in this district.  My work load during the year is so challenging to my family time, that the summer is supposed to be theirs.  I am getting better at saving my off-time for them, but we need the money.  Reality is almost always less fun than our fantasies.  However, with my oldest daughter's new home and daycare, my kids have a safe and less expensive home for the 1/2 days I will be doing the enrichment.  I will also be less drained (I hope) with this option of hangin' with my own students and creating theater productions.  I hope it is as fun as it sounds.  I could use some low-key fun.  I am not typically good at keeping things on my end low stress.  My mind set is the more work I do outside the class, the easier life is inside the class.  Not a concept that is popular in my home.

On a side note, all of my closest collegues have been transferred out of my building as part of the restructuring our urban middle school is enduring.  We made AYP but had to go through restructuring anyway as part of the Raise for the Top grant from Obama.  Since we are in the lowest 5%, I guess AYP is too little too late.  My kids...actually, all 7th graders, did rock the test and out scored our goal by another 18%.  We are shooting for 75% next year, even without the students who are leaving to head for the arts and science academy.   Letters and postcards are going out claiming our school will truly be a college prep school.  I am hoping that is not more rhetoric.  I am praying that the resources in our part of the city will truly be equal and a difference can truly be made for the kids in our neighborhood.  

Well, off to shop with my girls and plan all the summer home projects.  Later.

Transition

My little school, with its status as consistently low performing, is going through some difficult changes.  The majority of the teaching staff,  with the exception of eleven teachers,  has been transferred to other buildings in our district.  Some are headed for middle school positions and some are transitioning to high school.  For the summer our school is going into her cocoon and hoping to be reborn in the fall as a beautiful butterfly.  I will acknowledge that sometimes purging is necessary so there is room for growth, but it is not an easy process for anyone.  As we have learned, person by person, who is going and who is staying, gossip and speculation have become part of the daily schedule.  However, overall,  the unspoken reality is worry and fear of the unknown.  Earlier in the year, when I expressed some of the frustration described in this blog, I thought I would be the one moving on.  I wanted a change and even a new challenge, and frankly, a break from many frustrations of trying to do the work a several people while raising my kids.  Ultimately, I decided my students deserved my loyalty and commitment to see them through their last year at this school.  Selfishly,  I came to the obvious realization, that my closest friends are here and the risk of starting over without, them seemed to daunting.  Ironically, they will be leaving me instead.  As we come to the last three days of school for the year, my heart is honestly a little heavy.  I see real potential for great changes at our middle school, but I will miss my friends so much.  I am not a person who constructs deep friendships easily.  It is hard to find people I feel safe to both laugh and cry with.  All the people with which I have developed some of that safety will be moving on.  I am trying to keep my heart and mind wide open, because the most jarring reality is....this is not about me.   This is about the students.  Most of me knows that this change could be immeasurably good for them and the students of the future.  I am going to try to have the faith I talk so much about. Sometimes that is the only choice you have. 

On the home front, my kids are trying to transition into summer. I am trying to find a way to work and make extra money to keep us afloat, while not eating up all of their summer days.  I will be writing curriculum in two different groups and teaching a summer enrichment class in reader's theater.  More than anything, my marriage needs my attention...now.

Poetry Passion

We are down to our last 7 weeks of school.  We have started a poetry unit using the novel Bronx Masquerade and studying the Harlem Renaissance.  Most of the kids were really siked about doing poetry.  Everywhere I walk,  one of my students is pushing a poem at me to read.  It is pretty exciting to see them so invested.  We have been reading and presenting the poetry of published poets.  I started the unit with a pile of about 40 poems at various levels, by various poets, with diverse topics.  I did my best to match the poem to the student.  Most of the students loved their poems and couldn't wait to read them aloud.  I have one student who is very verbal and "bossy,"  but from her actions I can see some of her insecurities.  I gave her Phenomenal Woman and told her I think of her when I read it.  She read the poem.  As I walked by, she stopped me and said, "you think of me when you read this?"  I said, "Yes, I see a srong woman in you."  She got a little lift from that.  It was a good day of sharing and talking about the purposes of poetry.  We read  everything from "Where the Sidewalk" ends to "O' Captain, My Captain."    This week we will be digging into the cause and the impact of the Harlem Renaissance to scaffold the references in Bronx Masquerade.  We are also going to read a lot of Nikki Giovanni's poetry.  We will begin to write and revise several types of  poetry.  We will share our poetry along side some excellent high schools slam poets from one of the district high schools.  Finally, we plan to put all their poetry in an anthology for them to take home for the summer.   The pieces of this plan took me hours, days and weeks to collect, so I hope the end result is a group of kids that grow in their writing and reading of challening poetry.   Next year we are taking it around the world.  My plan is to explore poets of the world and deepen their understanding of form and meaning.  Poetry is an excellent way for them to begin to experience the pains and triumphs of other cultures.

I guess when it is all said and done, and these kiddos leave me to head to high school, I hope they are changed people in a global society.  I want them to leave middle school with a bigger picture of the world so that their mind is wide open for what high school and college have to offer.  It would be nice if I could truly "see" the effects of all they are exposed to through this reading class.  I am just going to have to trust God that something I am doing is helping improving the choices they will make in the world.

Soccer Coaching for the Fearless

Okay,  there are no fearless coaches writing this blog, I just wanted to sound tough.  Right now I am sitting at my desk (at home) mostly because it hurts too much to get up.  Yes, it is true.  I am in pain.  What is that thing people say when they don't know what else to say.......oh! "No Pain, No gain."  I don't know that I buy into that propaganda, but I did thoroughly enjoy my first day as a middle school soccer coach.  I don't know much about the ins and outs of soccer, but I know about working out.  I know the proper form of a lunge that doesn't damage the knee, and I modeled it up an down the gym floor about 20 times.   I know the proper form of a push up (oddly, my fave exercise) so I did about 30 of that exercise where you drop, push-up, jump, stand.  I did some running/jogging/walking with the girls who said they couldn't.  There is nothing more motivating than having a 40-year-old out do you.  It was all a show.  Although I told them to start working out during spring break, all I got in was one bike ride, one walk, and two days in the garden.  It is all worth the pain,though.  I already see that this is one more fabulous way to hang with the kids.  It is different than the classroom.  In someways, it is less stressful.  I just need to overcome my need to always keep up.   There is an element of desperation that comes with loving teens while you are losing your edge.   They will always try to love me, but the cool factor matters on some levels.  It hurts to see it go and realize that I am going to have to find my edge somewhere else...perhaps in being will to let other laugh at/with me as I age.  I am a quirky girl some days....and that still keeps them guessing.  So as I recover from soccer practice #1,  I anticipate many rewarding days to come for everyone involved (I hope)! Go Tigers!

Making Up for Lost Time

So we are on day three of spring break.  The important thing about winter, spring and summer breaks for a person like me (obsessive-compulsive, workaholic) is that if I take the time to remember the purpose of a "break,"  I can use that time to create enough memories with my kiddos to help them forgive me for the limited portions they often get the rest of our lives together.  I like to work.  I am not just some sacrificing, do-gooder who works in service to others even if I don't want to.  I like it.  I like to be busy, I like to have goals.  Actually, I am impossible to get along with in 2, maybe 3, situations in life: first, when I am so busy, I don't feel like I am being success or helpful in anything I am doing AND when I don't have a somewhat complicated and meaningful objective to keep my mind occupied.  My son did not come by his ADHD by accident.  I passionately love my kids, but over the years I have lost some of my ability to effectively prioritize.  I want to do it all; I want to do it all now, and I want to do it all well.  Just for the record, moms, we can not do it ALL well.  That is a myth.  I can't truly parent and enjoy my kids on spring break with a poetry methods book in my hand, for example.

So in order to put parenting on that list of "doing it well,"  I do try to make the breaks filled with "them" time.  Since I am very much an outdoor person,  the memory-making was on short supply with the overflow of an excessive winter.  It has been chilly and rainy for the last 4 days.  In spite of this, we could put off our adventures no longer. We had no plans, we were just certain that they would not involve me working or Sam playing video games.   Sam and I collected Emily from her friend's (Victoria's) house.  The day just about stalled out there because things got rowdy while I was visiting with Victoria's mom.  When I finally got them to the front door, Sam's face was red and his neck was scratched.  Emily was crying and holding an area near her left eye. This is a long story that involves the breaking of a HUGE rule in our house....don't put your hand's on people in anger.  So as I calmly (yes, I was calm) walked them through the choices (while trying to drive) they made and how they made the decisions to put their hands on faces and throats,  they cried profusely and apologized to each other and to me.  I am not naive...just for the record, but I do think they realized they were acting like heathens and I didn't want to go home to perform the semi-required ritualistic removal of fun.

At this point it was still cold,  but we had been planning to visit the community center in our new neighborhood.  We went in an played two hours of Foosball and ping pong.  I was gracious in my winnings and I even gave them a sporting chance.  After two hours of indoor table sports, one works up a thirst.  We went two doors down to an old-fashioned soda fountain in a drug store (I am not making this up). The gentleman there made me an old-fashioned diet cherry coke.  Em had a rootbeer float.  Sam had something green with a name that said something about being green and had a very strong lime flavor.  Then something AMAZING happened, as the gentleman was telling us about the drug store's large assortment of urology supplies, THE SUN CAME OUT!  It also seemed like it warmed up about 10 degrees, but that might of just been the warming of our hearts.  We went home, pumped up our bike tires and explored the new bike trails around our house. May I say at this point, the trails in KC are a gift.  Eventually, we we got home. Mike/Dad was there when we arrived.  He was a little miffed that I took the kids on some adventures on which he intended to be the first to take them, but he forgave me.  Emily and Mike helped me clean leaves out the the flower beds for about 20 minutes.  At about 6pm, they left to go back to the community center.  I cleaned out the beds for another two hours, and as I sit here at 8:31, I have not worked on teaching, coaching, or sponsoring anything for middle schoolers all day.   I am better for it, and I think Sam and Em are too. 

A Day Off......Mostly

So the Coopers are in full-fledged spring break mode. It is officially day 2, if you count the days we would normally go to school, and it I just got up, Sam is already playing Kirby on the wii, Emily is still sawing logs, and Raymond is sitting lovingly on the floor outside my office excited that the people are home again (no 8 hours in a kennel). We have big plans to day...we might go for a bike ride around our new home, then go to the civic center to play some pool, and maybe start on Emily or Sam's science projects (getting chocolate out of fabrics and building a newt habitat, respectively). In between I need to reinvent the curriculum "wheel" again by turning a topic and a book normally for 8-9 graders into an exploratory poetry unit for 7th graders.

So we don't have less to do, but we have more flexibility over when we do it. It is days like this when I get how my job has its perks for my own kids too. Even Ashley has gotten more mom-time. Plus I get to take my 21-year-old baby girl up to get her grown up license tomorrow. We won't mention that I wouldn't have to take her if she hadn't had a series of silly ungrown-up reasons for not having it renewed already...but, again we won't mention that.

On an added note....Ashley and her friend Megan (with more than a little help from her roommate Kreisa) are officially off on their American dream journey of starting their own business. They have obtained their first new client (the only one currently not related to the preschool teaching duo) into the coolest licensed preschool/daycare in Mission. She doesn't look like me, act like me or even think like me, but I managed to damage her with some seriously obsessive similarities when it comes to caring and educating children. She will need her own blog soon. Wait...that is a good idea..I am going to tell her right now. Blessings all!

Okay... I get it!

So I have been working through my frustration with the education system, and most specifically my own school's deficiencies. Mostly, I've been whining and fretting a lot about how much more energy I have for the constant barriers that have been constructed to success....both mine and my students. I even pursued other options outside my own building. Got a tentative offer from a high school in the district. I've been weakly praying about all this. Then, as God would have it, two things happened simultaneously that seem to be His way of both encouraging me and maybe telling me to buck up and stop whining. First, my students were the first to take the state assessment and they rocked it. During that time, I received a handful of letters from my students. They were asked to write a letter to their "favorite" teacher as an assignment in their computer class. I get these two times a year, and they are always such a gift.

Although I don't know how some days, the kids and I are in sink. The thought of leaving them after two successful years makes my heart ache. God isn't setting me free. Moreover, my own kids don't need me to take on any more new adventures. The last three years have already been crazy enough. I can't give up just when I am finally getting to come around the horn again and teach a grade level for a second time. My husband has been waiting for this. I keep telling him that if I make it through all three grade levels, I won't need to buy and create so many new resources. Now, just when we get to that point, I am trying to bail. I need to stop acting like I am the only one with something at stake here.

All that said to say that I am staying on at the lowest performing middle school in my state, and I am going to do so with a positive attitude.....though I am still growing that attitude. It is a privilege to get the opportunity to work with my awesome students and passionately work with them to help them get what they deserve. I get so frustrated that public education isn't the great equalizer it was intended to be, so the least I can do is be part of the solution. I don't want to be another teacher who bails when it gets to hard.

Words from my kids/students:

"The things you help us with lets us know that a lot of people care about us and not just our parents. They make me think more and learn to appreciate the things we have. I just wanted to say thanks for being the best teacher."

"Some teachers don't get my sarcasm and you did so that was awesome. I'm glad I have you as a reading teacher. Thanks for teaching me all those things and being a great reading teacher."

"Thanks for opening up a whole new world to me."

"I wanted to thank you for understanding me."

That is all I can post at the risk of puffing up my own ego. These kids make me who I am. Without their buy-in, my gifts as a teacher mean nothing. There are days when I still wonder what my value is as a white, female teacher in a school color. Somehow they find value in me. I am in awe everyday that they open their hearts and minds to me. God is reminding me that they are all that matters and that I am missing the point if I let the grown ups in my world steal my joy.